Jiralhanae
Brutes are big fatass hairy Gorilla Men who have no mind and are named after random Table Condiments. People who are Brutes *Your mum *chewbacca *Tatare sauce *8Plankton *King Kong How they reproduce Strangley the Brutes have places called brothels where prostitutes (like you)live. Only the dumbest of the brutes get to go in thier. They fuck the female brute in every way possible until the female brute passes out. Then, 5 minutes later you get babies and the male Brue rapes the female one (a whore) all over again. Thier semen is poisinous to all other species, which is why they hide thier parts in thier fur. Oral sex is especcially common and male brutes have been known to fuck grunts as well as Jackels in order to get into a brothel. Prostitutes are fucked at an average of 100 times a day, and is forced to eat thier own crap and drink thier own piss. Summary The Brutes were a non-Brutish race of hairy eyes. They enjoyed eating people with mohawks and shootin' Humans with RPG's and Needle shooters along with a huge arsenal, which they had no clue how to use. There were many famous Brutes, most of whom died sooner or later or inbetween. Basically, Brutes are big walking carpets with guns and legs (since if they don't have legs then what's the use... they can't walk). In other words, they're grapes with guns. They are frequently known to throw down their guns and charge at you, however they are really just trying to give MC a hug. But MC just doesn't seem to appreciate it, so he just kills them before they can reach him. Brutes are known to huff Grunts in their spare time, a practice which most frown upon, for the obvious mental retardation effects as the Gruntiness begins to take effect. Brutes Dont Care. They have been known to castrate innocent Grunts just for the hell of it, and then hanging the "leftovers" on their crotches. They have also been known to tease the hell out of Elites (due to having no... parts), which started the war between them with the help of the testicle guys. Or they were just dumbshits. Intellegence The brutes were smart intil in a chewbaca rage bombed there selfs. They did make a snow plow but since they live in a desert broke it. The balled chins made the brutes dumb by makeing them watch jackass for 4 days now they only know that guys with helmets were bad aka MC and the elites. The Armor Change In Halo 1, you won't see any Brutes because the Prophets thought the Brutes were better at doing manual labor and fucking making smoothies for them than fighting(the Brutes didn't know who were the enemies and one Brute "accidently" shot Zuka Whateverhisnameis while on the Pillar of Autumn). After Halo 1, the testicle-chins thought Elites were losers because they couldn't defend the hoola-hoop from the enemies. The testicle-chins didn't want the Elites to defend them like they defended the hoola-hoop, so the Prophets decided that the Brutes will protect(back then they only had shoulder armor). The Brutes wanted the Elite's cool armor(the armor on the Elite honor guard), but the armor didn't fit them. The Brutes asked the testicle-chin(Truth, 'cause the only one left) for armor. Truth insisted that the shiny costumes in E-bay look cooler. The armor that brutes got in Halo 3 are the costumes that Truth bought in E-Bay for $10. The seller still thinks he got a better deal. Celebrity Brutes *TartarSauce *Cracktanus *HairyCarpetus *Tyrannosaurus *Hugeassuss *BruteShotus *Spikerus *Maulerus *Chewbacca *Dickheaduss *ToysRus *Bigfootus *LittleBrainus *NoBrainus (LittleBrainus's little brother) *FreakCircus *King Kong *George W. Bush *Subwaysandwichus *Jaycebuckus *Sigourney Weaver *Indiana Jones *There might've been more....but the Master Chief and Arbiter probably killed them all. Ranks Brute Chieftain - Armor Brute Chieftain - Weapon Brute Captain Ultra Brute Captain Major Brute Captain Brute Bodyguard Brute Jumppack Brute Stalker Brute Ultra Brute Major Brute Minor History :The early history of the Brutes is long, pathetic, and mind-numbingly boring. They evolved on some shitty planet. The modern brute species was created by a retarded frog-squirrel having butt-sex with Hilary Clinton. Only they stopped a little bit short of humanity. They formed a massive army in 643 B.T. (Before TartarSauce) and swept across their homeworld's landscape, pillaging and castrating all other creatures, up to and including Ethiopians. They eventually fell upon a large supply of shiny armor and guns, which they had trouble figured out what to do with a first, but eventually got it right (By that time it was 3 D.T. Tartar Sauce). Then, the [[Covenant] found them and took them in, thinking it would be a good idea to befriend them (Oh, lucky them). During the War with Humanity, the Brutes came across Zombie Hannibal Lector, who introduced them to the joys of Humanity (The Tastes of the different bits, e.g: Liver taste like a vinegary eel, Skin unsalted chicken, Marrow like stuffing ...DO NOT ASK HOW I KNOW...) ZHL went on to found Soldier King, (Similar to Burger King in all aspects) in which he and his workers sold the Brutes, Human POW's mashed into a fried pattie form, and would rise further to fame among the Brutes, as their Iron Chef of People. People who want to be brutes No-one except chewbacca because no-one cares about the brutes or maybe a furry.